“You guys dont look like you have been married 20 years,” a friend commented over lunch last week.
“Thank you,” I commented absent-mindly. I had heard that comment hundreds of times over my 20 year marriage.
“No offense,” he stuttered, “I meant that as a compliment.”
“No problems. I accepted it as a compliment,” I responded with my best pretty girl smile.
I realized something this past year as The Marine and I traveled throughout the world. We are so connected that we make other people uncomfortable around us.
- It goes deeper than finishing each others sentences.
- It is more than just agreeing about the grocery lists of marriage.
- It is even exceeding the basic day to day existence of life.
What I was truly surprise to find out is that people tend to use as a reflection. A mirror if you will. They look into the mirror, Snow White style, and expect to see the reflection of paradise in their own relationships. They examine their relationship in a compare and contrast manner to find things like they dont hold hands enough…or they dont talk enough…or they aren’t romantic enough…or they are not sexually trusting enough.
And, here in lies the problem. When you look at the relationships of others and assume you can see a reflection, then you miss the point of the relationship. No two relationships are the same just like no two fingerprints are the same.
But. There is a secret to our marriage. It is freedom. In our twenty years of marriage and four years prior of dating, we do not limit each other. So many spouses spend loads of time monitoring the other like they were children who needed “permission” to behave in a certain way, they often forget that having fun together and experiencing life is a major part of staying in love with the person you married.
Sitting in Hooters a few nights ago, it started to sink in that the majority of men in this place were probably married. YET, the women in their lives were…ummm….well, who the hell knows? Why? Because women are against seeing boobs? Because women dont like sports food? Let me guess….its because they dont think that women should be looked at as a sexual object? Uh huh. Right.
Me…I am not so offended by the boobies! The food is the same as in Applebees…the view is just different.
In reality, we dont look like we have been married for 20 years because we are still sharing the adventures of being married. Does that sound complicated? Experiencing life and love together. Wow…sounds like a novel concept. ~~Dee