“Why do women let themselves go after they get into a relationship,” his eyes met mine over the table. Clearly, he was confused. Naturally, being the source for all answers involving women or just the only woman that he is comfortable asking questions, I smile at the absolute mixture of innocence and annoyance in his question.
“I mean…,” he continued, taking my silence to mean that I am offended, “women don’t bother to upkeep their appearance. They know men are visual. They know men are sexual. Yet, they don’t bother maintain what they have once we are in a relationship. And, they seem surprised when a man is not attracted to them anymore.”
“Well,” I ventured slowly, to avoid any missteps in this minefield. After all, I could hardly be considered an expert on women or beauty regimes. Really…I have asked My Favorite Pink Pussy to go with me to get a makeover for months. She laughs at me. Perhaps because she does not feel it is necessary to invite disaster to her door.
“Maybe, most women spend so much time trying to be the perfect sexual vessel with painful shoes, push up bras, and clothes, that they seek acceptance for the real person they are by appearing in sweat pants, messy hair, and no make-up,” I hesitated, letting him absorb that explanation.
“Or…it could be,” he was testing the waters of talking through the reasoning, “women feel like they don’t have to work to keep us after they have us?”
“I guess. It could be that men and women think differently of sexual desire. Men find sexual passion in the physicality of women. The things that women find sexually exciting in a man are more intimate. For me, a man can be physically attractive, but not sexually attractive.” I let that sink in a moment.
“Things like an incredible, easy smile….strong, sensual hands….nice shoulders….great cologne….confidence….sexy voice….challenging mind….high levels of respect. All of those things have to combine in a man to hit my buttons,” I detailed.
“Ok, but what makes that so different in men and women? I live for intelligence, confident women.”
“Those traits only get sexier with age. See, these traits are not based on whether my weight is up or down. If I have wrinkles, make-up on, or a fresh manicure,” I smile at him.
“True,” he returns, “but those things don’t matter to men either. What matters to us is that you stay sexually interested and interesting. Keep the fever. I can overlook no make-up, but no confidence will kill it every time. I can get over a few extra pounds in a woman that burns from the inside for me. Wrinkles will never matter to me when I see passion in her eyes.”
In those few moments, his confusion turned into the wisdom of the ages. And…I, for one, was amazed at the simplicity of the message. ~~Dee