Don’t Go Changing

sexuality, sex blogs, sex , erotica female, eroticaI have encountered a rather interesting phenomenon that I simply cannot explain.  So many women…upon meeting and talking to me tell me what a (put positive adjective here) person that I am.  They rave about how great it is to know me, how much they can count on me to have their back, and how strong I am as a person/woman/individual.  Ok…that is all good.  But, what I don’t understand is that upon getting a little closer to me, each woman finds things about my physical appearance that they feel like they want to change.

Now, really…I am not unattractive at all.  In some places, I am even considered quite pretty.  I believe I have amazing features that reflect the best of who I am.  Given, I am not receptive to many of the trappings of most women (ie. makeup, pedicures, waxing, and wonder bras) because I don’t consider those things important to the experience of being a sexual woman.  They are about the external…not so much the internal…and the enhancement of the prettiness of the body.  So, when faced with the recent rash of women saying things to me about wanting to “make me over” or “dress me up,” I fall short of understanding why. 

  • What do they see as missing when they look at me?
  • Why do they feel like I am lacking a part of my being if I am not participating in these rituals?
  • How can they like the internal so much and not see the connection to my comfort with the external?


Please, don’t get me wrong.  These things are not said to me with any maliciousness at heart.  They are wonderful women seeking to help me.  But, what they fail to understand is that I am not in need of help.  Life is not about the decorations that others see when they sit across the table from me.  My life is about what I see when I look in the mirror…and I like that woman…and it shows in my sexual soul.  If my body is comfortable in a pair of skin tight jeans with high heels and a sexy tank top, then that is more sexually powerful than a short skirt with thigh high fishnet stockings with a lacy top that I see women constantly tugging back into place.  Because I am able to wear confidence and self-esteem, it will never matter what else I wear…I will wear it well and that is what reflects into the sexually adjusted woman that I am.  ~~Dee (not Barbie)

11 thoughts on “Don’t Go Changing

  1. Hmmmm….I dunno darlin. I don’t *think* I’ve done that to you. 🙂 But I DO know I was giggling like crazy when you said you got a pedicure. ha..ha.ha..

  2. I think they are trying to make you fit the mold. The one that they’ve been shoved into.

    I am like you in that I’d rather wear something that makes me feel sexy (even if it’s just his old button-down shirt) than something that’s supposed to me sexy (like a teddy). I feel sexier when I’m not constantly messing with my outfit.

  3. Finn–If women could only see themselves on video adjusting, pulling, and tugging at their clothes, they would never wear those clothes again. They look ridiculous. It is not sexy to feel uncomfortable. ~~Dee

  4. I’ve often said that women are more judgmental about women than men are; in fact, more than once I’ve asked Mrs. Edge if she’s dressing for me or for her girlfriends.

    Trick question; the correct answer is “I’m dressing for me, you twit.”

    But when her friends come to visit, I see and hear them talking about who would look better with lipo, who needs to show more cleavage, who needs more red in their highlights… I don’t ever remember my guy friends mentioning anything remotely like this about their partners.

    And Dee, I remember when Mrs. Edge and I were dating – her “hot” look was tight acid-washed jeans (yes, we’re old) with red high heels and a cotton blouse. I mean, the leather miniskirt was good, too, but somehow I managed to appreciate both looks.

  5. Tom–As I have said many times, you are a wise man (and your butt is looking really good! *wink*). In truth, my favorite quote comes from an old Joan Crawford movie called “The Women.” She says, “when he does not like something I wear…I take it off.” I dress for myself, but I undress for The Marine. 😉 The hot look for any woman is confidence. Leave the tugging of clothes to a man when he is trying to get them off me! ~~Dee

  6. I read this and it brought humor to my evening. You FEEL that your friends wanted to “help” you by making you into barbie. Maybe the compliments that you gave to these “barbies” about their looks in a certain attire led them to believe that you, sexually confident, vixen suductress would also like to be made up (not made over) for an evening of scantily clad dress. It seems kinda poetic in a sense. It isn’t a mold, it isn’t insecurity, but a bonding that some women share together. Just as men will pop open their hoods to show off their engine, sexually confident women will pull out their heels and revealing dresses, or new toys or whatever! My best friend and I when we are getting ready to go out, will pull out clothes from our closets and share. Perhaps I am the only one who stills enjoys getting dressed up together before going out. It is not about making someone up or thinking they would be prettier in this or that. It is about admiration in your best friend. You know she has the ass and the legs, the chest or whatever. However confident she is, you have heard her complaints with herself. You want to help her self esteem. Not change her. Enforce her as the confidant bombshell she is. It is about girl time. It is about bonding. It is about comfort.

    But perhaps that communication is lost, sadly the other way.

    ~~~~Lonely Barbie~~~~~~~~

  7. My Dear–I dont need help looking my best. When I go out, I get all the attention that I need not by showing off everything with all the women around me. See, in confidence, there is a strength of knowing when you kick ass. Do I complain about the shape of my ass? Oh yes…do I know that men love the shape of my ass? Oh yes! 😉

    But in truth, I am not a sharing type of woman. I am the kind of woman that likes women…but loves men. The hair, make-up, nails, clothes…makes me dizzy. I listened to a woman talk on and on at dinner tonight until I just had to get up and walk off. Perhaps, I dont have the female gene…but give me a man that loves to talk about sex, business, or sports….and I am all in the middle of it!! Oddly, give me a woman who can talk about the same things….And she has my attentions.

    And…part of loving someone enough to truly be their friend is accepting them JUST AS THEY ARE. I am not broken, so attempts to fix me seem like someone not being happy with what they see vs. what they want from me. So, the first step of bonding with me is not to lend me your lipstick, it is to show me your mind. Because when all of the pretty clothes and make up are wiped away, it will be me that answers at 2 am when my friend calls or texts about a fucked up relationship….and that will be bonding. I guess I am just seeking deeper in my relationships. Kisses and Hugs ~~Dee

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s