Sex and Losing My Religion

sexuality, sex blogs, sex , erotica female, erotica

When asked….I hesitated.  It has never been a good experience for me.  But, I care for my dad very much and he needed moral support, so I went to church with him.  And odd thing happened to me.  I won’t say that I lost my religion.  Honestly, I am not a religious person because, I believe, that religion asks people to conform out of fear.  Instead of promote love and acceptance, I find the uncomfortable experience of hypocrisy and damnation in the middle of all of the hugging and shaking hands.  Perhaps, I am cynical…if so, I am willing to be wrong.  But, as I sit there in the middle of the stained glass windows, pretty pews that shine with varnish, sparkling gold assortment of alter accessories, and video screens that flash the words of songs on the board so we don’t have open the hymnal in front of us….I wonder.

Where did the heart of religion go?

Now, let be clear.  I completely believe in God without the slightest question, but religion is a man made institution.

I wonder: 

  • Why it is necessary for a human being to parade to the front of the building to let a pastor wave a hand over him to be forgiven?
  • Why it is necessary to fill a building with ornate objects and fashionable decorations knowing that money could feed or house starving children?
  • Why is it necessary to create an “us vs. them “mentality?
  • Why was it necessary for the pastor to mention the unpardonable sin of homosexuality that is demoralizing our country?  (btw…The Marine said he knew at this point I would not go back because I dont think that it is acceptable for anyone to damn a sexual choice.  That is a decision made by each individual and on that basis it is apart of their own soul.  To misrepresnt your soul to be accepted or hide the truth is the sin.)

                     

As I sat there next to my husband of 19 years (a recovering Catholic) and the nice people in their pretty Sunday clothes walked by to shake my hand in welcome with painted smiles, I wondered how many of them would head for the bathroom to wash their hands or form a mob of salvation around me if they knew that I have an erotica blog.  You see, when I tell people about SexyWhispers (and I don’t keep it a secret!), people often approach the question of how can I call myself in tune with God.  Of course, to me, this seems to be totally ridiculous because I am fairly sure that God knows about sex and approves.

I have had spiritual experience where I could feel God talking to me (nope…not crazy….I think that God talks to EVERYONE…call it intuition, your little voice, esp…..most people just aren’t listening!).  But never have I felt that in a church.

One short story to illustrate for those compelled to humor me:

Last year, I was in Charleston.  It is my habit on my birthday to go to church to light a candle and leave a donation for the poor.  This time…I walked over 3 miles across Charleston and every church door was locked!  On a Friday at 5 pm….church doors….locked?  I could not believe.  I was so amazed….almost angry.  Remember when the job of the church was to give spiritual guidance??

So, The Marine and I walked along together as I fumed.  I had my money in my pocket as I stopped for the red light and waited to cross the street.  A young girl (she was about 22 years old) behind me was talking to her friend about selling the flowers made out of corn stalks.  She said it had been a slow few days for her and she had to skip dinner tonight to pay her rent.  The light turned green but I did not cross.  I could feel myself pulled back to her.  I walked over to her and looked down to where she was sitting on the ground without shoes.  “How much for the flowers?”  She looked at me, blinked and smiled.  “One dollar.”  I bent down to where she was sitting…picked one up…handed her a bill.  Her smile disappeared as she saw the money.  “I am sorry…I can’t change that.”  I smile back into her innocent face and said….”I did not ask for change.  Just this one flower.”  As I stood up to walk away, she grabbed my hand to thank me.  She said that she had not eaten in two days and that money was the answer to her prayer.  When I turned back to The Marine, still standing at the light, I realize he was almost a half block away.  Not sure how I had heard her prayer from so far off, I wander rather incoherently back to the light where he was waiting with a warm smile and open arms. As we stood there focused on the light again, my eyes traveled over to the street marker on the ground.  I was standing on CHURCH street.

To this day, that corn stalk flower hangs right here in plain view to remind me that God is found where ever I stand.  And, sometimes, we are the instrument and not the plan.   But, the reality is that I don’t think that I have lost my religion…I think that religion has lost me.  ~~Dee

13 thoughts on “Sex and Losing My Religion

  1. “Now, let be clear. I completely believe in God without the slightest question, but religion is a man made institution.”

    Absolutely!!

  2. Stacy–Welcome….I think that most people have as much trouble seperating religion and God as people have seperating politics and religion. Into the fray! ~~Dee

  3. us vs. them – the reason why its created is so that we better understand that they are at a better stage in their lives and we should strive to accomplish what they have.

  4. One of my favorite movie quotes is from Stigmata: “Split a piece of wood and you will find me. Lift a stone and I am there.”

    God is not in a building of stained glass and incense.. he/she is within us all.

    It’s one of my main problems with “organized religion” actually. 🙂

  5. Kitty–My favorite quote on the subject comes from Ozzy (I know…strange source): “Going to church no more makes you a Christian than going to McDonalds makes you a cheeseburger!” 8) Yes, I think that organized religion has lost itself in pretty “religious vanity” of this earthly world. ~~Dee

  6. Such a great post! I got goose bumps and teary eyes : )
    I believe in God 100%. I’m also Catholic, and even though I don’t believe the Church is the best run institution or quite understand it’s existence beside it being about power and money, I still feel at home when I go to Church and usually can feel the presence of God and holiness there. I went through a phase in which I lost my belief because I equated God to religion, and it wasn’t until I could separate them both, when I made peace with God, and eventually with the Church. I am what some people call a Catholic of “convenience”. I take what works for me and leave the rest aside. So far it has worked.

  7. Jen–Many of us, of all religions (and I am not a flavorist–I believe God is the same for all religions and all are equally valid), has had to seperate God from religion. But in reality, isn’t that alittle like seperating love and marriage? Or freedom and responsiblity? Or sex and pleausure? Somethings, I think, must go together because without the beacon, the light does not shine.

    Loosely paraphrasing, when the center does not hold, then the everything fall apart.

    To quote one of my favorites (Yeats):
    The Second Coming by Yeats
    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight; somewhere in sands of the desert
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Reel shadows of indignant desert birds.
    The darkness drops again; but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

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