“Can a woman turn a man gay?” I blinked once…twice…again at the email in my inbox. Such a heavy question for 7 simple words.
As you may have read recently, I wrote a rather long winded proclamation about the rights of homosexual couples to marry. This question, I realize, relates to that post. However, on a deeper level, it relates to something I think people—men and women alike—struggle through in the acceptance of their sexuality.
I truly believe that sexuality is something that we are born with in our being. It is as ingrained into who we are as brown eyes or being right handed. As I think of how Catholics treated the unpardonable sin of being born left handed in the past, it seems fitting to compare homosexuality with using your left hand instead of your right to pick up a pencil. Although it may well seem like I am casting humor on this rather deep question, I am. And, I digress. Sorry…
In reality, the truth is that we have the right to choose our sexuality just like we choose everything else in our lives. So many people, when chastising homosexuality as “a disease born of degenerate minds comparable to incest and child pornography” (I really heard someone say this!) forget that homosexuality has been a large part of historical significance since Biblical times.
But…what I want to make clear is three-fold:
- Sexuality is chosen by each individual person. There is not a one-size-fits-all sexuality for every person on earth. No matter what your preference…and yes…heterosexuality is a preference also….it is your God given right to make that choice as it fulfills your sexual needs, passions, and soul. If you have read SexyWhispers more than once on this subject, then you know I only have three rules—everyone participating MUST be of age of consent, everyone participating MUST give their consent to participate, and if you want to inflict permanent physical harm on yourself or someone else…seek help. Outside of that, “Laissez les bon temps rouler.” (“Let the good times roll!”)
- Do not carry someone else’s sexual guilt. People have many many reasons for making the sexual choices that they make in their lives. Some want to cover up their true desires. Some want to avoid public exposure or feel more “normal.” No matter what the case, each person has to carry their sexuality and claim their own actions, feelings, and thoughts. Do I think that a woman can turn a man gay? No. I think you are born with sexual feelings for one gender or the other (or both—in the case of bisexuality). Masking those feelings with children and a family to fit into the status quo is a deception of the deepest level….unfair to all parties involved.
- There is no such thing as sexually “normal.” Sexuality is the one place…out of all the places in the world…that normal does not exist. We apply the word “normal” or “average” to the ideal of sexuality to help us understand the one most transient experience in our lives. It is the way that we share ideas and experiences—categorizes them into words that show what the masses feel, think, or do. To be real, sexuality is as individual as a finger print because sexuality is literally the imprint of your soul. It is worth the effort to find your own sense of the “normal” and get comfortable there. You will draw people of like mind and sexuality to you…and…possibly…discover…you are not so alone in the world after all!
It really pained my soul to see her email this morning because I thought of the severe guilt someone must carry on their sexuality to need to reach out for understanding. But, in reality, my first answer must be what it has always been….love yourself….forgive others….and get comfortable in your own skin. It is often that people make these mistakes because they can’t see past pain of discovery or they think that if they try to fight their sexuality long enough it will just go away. I have a newsflash for the world. Sexuality never goes away. We are born with it and we die with it. What we do with it in time in between is either our gift or our curse. ~~Dee