Marriage and Love: The Gay Debate

sexuality, sex blogs, sex , erotica female, erotica“Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?”—Shylock, Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare

Unfortunately for those near and dear to my being, I am known to be neither discrete nor politically correct at any given time.  So, again, I warn the vast public at large…I am about to get controversial.  I wish I could say that it bothered me if others were offended.  The best that I can promise is publish all comments and consider all “rational” discussions without bias as to my own position.

Happy reading…

Here is a scary fact.  In the state in which I live, because I am a notary, I can marry people.  Crazy huh?  I always tease The Marine that if times ever get hard I will just down to the local flea market on Saturdays and start a marriage service.  But in truth, to me, marriage is one huge commitment.  Granted…it is not perfect and for some it goes terribly wrong.  Marriage can be the largest pleasure your heart will ever feel.  It can also be the deepest despair your soul will encounter.  And most days, marriage is a stable mix right there in the middle.

When I was married, I vividly remember the words that I promised to uphold:

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
to love, to honor, and to cherish, till death do us part.

These words might seem quite simple, but anyone who has ever been married will tell you…they are not simple at all.  I guess that it why we get married early in life.  Good sense and experience will take the puppy dog innocence away faster than you can say the words “I do.”  With that in mind, it is my sincere hope that people never stop uttering to the words “I do” with the quiet sacred commitment and deep consideration needed to render two beings as one.

All that said, I am having deep trouble understanding the problems heterosexuals have with same sex marriage.  As California removes the ban on same sex marriage this month on the grounds it is unconstitutional to determine the right to marriage based on sexual orientation, I hear time marching backwards as I wonder why it took 7 logical, masterfully educated and experienced people in a 4-3 decision to come to this conclusion.  Sadder yet, it was a close decision.  Even these “impartial parties” meant to administer the Constitution—no input their own values or beliefs—almost could not reach the decision that telling people they could not marry based on gender or sexuality was as unconstitutional as telling people they could not marry based on race or religion.  Once, it was against the law for Germans and French to marry.  As I am German and The Marine French, I can only be glad we are no longer a burden to the morality of humanity at large.

I have heard the arguments against homosexual marriage and they concern me on a deep level.  For example:

  • Marriage was meant to produce children.  This is a favorite of mine because I have been married for almost 20 years without any children.  Does that mean I am not legally or morally married?  Does it mean that the thousands of couples that choose not to have children are not legally or morally married?  Should we have to commit to having children as part of our marriage license to get marriedNews flash:  There are thousands of domestic partners raising children right now with a grace and bliss that I could not muster.  Shouldn’t we want to teach children instead that marriage is a institution for people that love each other?
  • The Bible says….To me, this whole argument is sacrilege of the worst kind.  I believe in God and I am a completely spiritual person.  And, with every part of who I am, I wonder how anyone can look at the Bible with a catch all attachment for the words subscribed to paper by men.  I can easily pull quotes from the Bible that support or deny any position or discussion.  Moreover, I remember a passage that says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5).
  • Gay marriage degrades the sacred institution of marriage between a man and a woman.  Huh?  Not sure how.  I am just as married today as I was yesterday…and will be tomorrow.  The things that degrade the value of marriage in my life are not what others do.  It is what I do myself.  That argument is illogical because it is like saying people who commit adultery degrade the institution of marriage.  Only their own marriage.  My marriage is not at all affected by the way in which others live their lives.
  • AIDS / HIV / Disease.  These diseases are spread through sexual contact.  It seems only logical to want sexual partners…no matter their sexual orientation…to practice safe sex.  Or, even better idea, what about a committed relationship that keeps partners together with the shared goals of “forsaking all others?”  I am ALMOST sure I have heard that somewhere before!  Plus, here is a small amount of confusion for the brain.  If domestic partners are allowed to be married, doesn’t that mean they are allotted health care benefits under the law just like heterosexually married couples?


Imagine for a moment…

  • Being told that the person you have committed your life to in a legal ceremony is no longer your spouse because the state you live in has annulled your marriage.
  • Having to stay in one or two states within the freedom of the best place on the planet—America—to live, work, and raise your children because your marriage would not be legal in any other state.
  • Not being able go with your spouse to see the Statue of Liberty, Las Vegas, or Mardi Gras because you are not married if you leave the state you live.
  • People hating you because of the person you love and want to marry.
  • The state dictating who you can marry.


Now…read the marriage vows again.  I ask  you…what is in those marriage vows that denotes sexual orientation as a consideration for love or marriage

One more thing…I can marry people because marriage is not a religious ceremony that requires the ordination of a religious person.  Marriage, by law, is a legal contract between two private parties…much like a business deal with dissolution terms (divorce), the exchange of assets to show good faith (rings), and merging of entities (sex).  It is marriage—not because of the words or the actions.  It is marriage because there is love present.  And, if there is love present, then there are no moral, ethical, or legal power that should denying that marriage.  ~~Dee

12 thoughts on “Marriage and Love: The Gay Debate

  1. Princess–Awww….thank you. I would like to think of it as just good common sense, but there will probably be a cross on fire in my yard by morning! (anyone not familiar with that reference…let me know….old southern history of expressing differences of opinions!) ~~Dee

  2. Oh yes… the whole “legal” vs. “religious” aspect of marriage. I’ve never understood WHY people cling to the concept that marriage is strictly a “God” related matter. It’s not.. that’s why there are so many people that can perform marriages (like notaries.. hee..hee..)

    But one thing I’ve learned is that organized religion allows people the illusion of a “holier than thou” attitude. They will preach against all these things and yet, if we look behind their closed doors we’d find all sorts of skeletons, huh?

    Judge not, lest you be judged right?
    ..sigh.. too bad so many folks can’t just go with “live and let live”.

    I say — if they are happy and want to get married MORE POWER TO THEM! I don’t care if they are same sex or not.. ya know?


  3. Yes My Pink Pussy–“Live and Let Live” is the real translation. The thing is that so many people shake and rattle because they are afraid of their own issues. There are protests forming right now to stop them from getting married. It’s so sad that energies should go toward that when our country is in such a sad state of disrepair. So many things to fix–Gay marriage is not one of them. ~~Dee

  4. right on sister!!

    the ex and i were married in okinawa, where we were both stationed while in the air force. before you can have a religios ceremony on base, if that is what you choose to do, you must go to the american consulate. all you do there is sign papers. at the end of the day the little japanese man that prepares your japanese marriage certificate says “congladurations”, bows and you assume that you are legally married. we opted to not have a ceremony. again, it’s a legal contract, not a divine blessing bestowed upon you.

    14 years later, now single, my desire would be to meet someone that i love and if they have kids, we could raise our kids together, or if they don’t, we could raise my kids together. i don’t NEED to be married. that doesn’t mean i won’t ever get married, it’s just something that i don’t think is necessary to say that i’m in a committed relationship.

    but those are my feelings, my desires. my being married or not being married … doesn’t hurt anyone, doesn’t impose my will on anyone else. letting a homosexual couple get married also doesn’t hurt anyone or impose their will on anyone else

    what really scares me is the fact that most of the people that are making these laws have far worse skeletons in their closets then the common man out on the street but they are telling us what we can and cannot do

  5. That Girl–So true. I remember the “blessing” of the Marine Corps as the same experience! As I read the stories of gay couples in CA in research for a project I am doing, I was so moved by the fact that many of them had been commited forever. One woman had been with her partner for 21 years waiting just for the day when they could be married. They had raised children together and their children now had children. If that couple had been heterosexual and waited 21 years, the world would have screamed at the injustice of their plight of love.

    And I do agree….the people that shake their finger at the rest of us–gay and heterosexual– for our sexual choices scare me too. Makes me wonder what they are repressing and what they are hiding!! ~~Dee

  6. In the Australian Capital Territory, (Canberra) Gay Marriage was passed by the Local Government but was vetoed by the previous Howard Federal Government. Forunately the new Rudd Federal Government has now lifted that veto but only pertaining to civil and not religous marriages. It is a start. Hooray!

    What I find difficult to comprehend, from Here, in Australia, is why American political leaders always talk about the virtues of political “freedom” in the United States, when they are so nasty to their political minorities?

    The United States is so wonderful but this is one area I find so confusing about Americans?

    NOT that Australians have any moral highground either!

  7. Nigel–This is just the point. In a place that preaches freedom of choice, it is not practiced unless your choice happens to coincide with that of the moral majority. As I stated on another blog recently, our political leaders have limited their support of gay rights to tapping their foot under the bathroom stall door in airports and propositing under aged young boys. Did Clinton get a blowjob while in office? Hope so! But, I will venture a guess to say that most politicians have something…from a high priced adulterous girlfriend to a kinky sexual slant to a taste for something sexually that the moral majority would not consider normal…that they keep hidden away. Why do they not claim it? Simple…same reason as everyone else. They need to seem normal to cater to the religious right. I am afraid… there is not moral high ground here! Not anywhere…because to have moral high ground…we would all need to agree what is moral. And I…for one…can be VERY hard to reason with when it comes to morality. 😉 ~~Dee

  8. “all you do there is sign papers. at the end of the day the little japanese man that prepares your japanese marriage certificate says “congladurations”

    oh Tina, you crack me up, sister!

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