Before I start, I beg the women of the world not to throw objects at the screen. I realize that what I am about to say sounds strange. A word of caution for the men…this does NOT apply to all women and failure to heed that caveat might cause dismemberment. And, I simply don’t know any men who are willing to part with their member!
However, I realized a very strange truth about myself in the past few days. Before or after sex, I don’t want to cuddle at all. I believe this is because I honestly always think of sex and love in separate ways. Although they do overlap sometimes, they are not necessarily linked in my mind.
For me, sex is a natural release and expression of sexuality with yourself or another person. It is very physical. So, my passions and desires run deeply toward the physical as well. It is about seeking the pleasure in sex and fulfilling a need.
Love, on the other hand, is deeper and more involved. It involves the psychological and mental aspects of physical contact. When I want to be hugged or held, it is not connected to the need to reinforce a sexual act. It is because I need strength or support for my mind or my heart.
I feel that so often, because women are not shown the kind of love they want to experience with their clothes on, they use the time they spend with their clothes off to get that love. Whether kind words or sweet strokes, I THINK that I would rather receive that affection in a non-sexual context because I trust it more.
It beckons my mind to the way that some men tell a woman that they love her to get her into bed.
Or the way women will withhold sexual favors (as if they are doing some great service to their partner) when they are angry or hurt.
At this stage of sexual development, I think that these games mixing the flavors of love and sex cloud the waters significantly between men and woman. Most men are intuitively built to seek sex. Most women are taught by society to require love. So….one partner resorts to emotional blackmail to receive expressions of love and the other partner plays a strong game to achieve desired sexual participation. Never is this more evident than the way women refer to intercourse as “making love” while men refer to the same act as “sex” (or many other terms! Creative little dears! *smile*). It seems to me, with some moderate adjustments, that both partners can meet in the middle ground of getting what they want out of a relationship—sexual or otherwise. ~~Dee