What’s Love Got to Do With It?

sexuality, sex blogs, sex , erotica female, eroticaBefore I start, I beg the women of the world not to throw objects at the screen.  I realize that what I am about to say sounds strange.  A word of caution for the men…this does NOT apply to all women and failure to heed that caveat might cause dismemberment.  And, I simply don’t know any men who are willing to part with their member!

However, I realized a very strange truth about myself in the past few days.  Before or after sex, I don’t want to cuddle at all.  I believe this is because I honestly always think of sex and love in separate ways.  Although they do overlap sometimes, they are not necessarily linked in my mind.

For me, sex is a natural release and expression of sexuality with yourself or another person.  It is very physical.   So, my passions and desires run deeply toward the physical as well.   It is about seeking the pleasure in sex and fulfilling a need.

Love, on the other hand, is deeper and more involved.  It involves the psychological and mental aspects of physical contact.  When I want to be hugged or held, it is not connected to the need to reinforce a sexual act.  It is because I need strength or support for my mind or my heart.

I feel that so often, because women are not shown the kind of love they want to experience with their clothes on, they use the time they spend with their clothes off to get that love.  Whether kind words or sweet strokes, I THINK that I would rather receive that affection in a non-sexual context because I trust it more. 

It beckons my mind to the way that some men tell a woman that they love her to get her into bed. 

Or the way women will withhold sexual favors (as if they are doing some great service to their partner) when they are angry or hurt.

At this stage of sexual development, I think that these games mixing the flavors of love and sex cloud the waters significantly between men and woman.  Most men are intuitively built to seek sex.  Most women are taught by society to require love.  So….one partner resorts to emotional blackmail to receive expressions of love and the other partner plays a strong game to achieve desired sexual participation.  Never is this more evident than the way women refer to intercourse as “making love” while men refer to the same act as “sex” (or many other terms! Creative little dears!  *smile*).  It seems to me, with some moderate adjustments, that both partners can meet in the middle ground of getting what they want out of a relationship—sexual or otherwise.  ~~Dee

10 thoughts on “What’s Love Got to Do With It?

  1. Finn–It seems to me that men do lack the ability to express affection in so many ways. In the way that society teaches women not to be sexual, it may teach men not to show affection least they be deemed as a “pussy” (forgive the term!). I think that both genders have a long long way to go! ~~Dee

  2. I’m not gonna throw anything at ya Dee. 😉 To each their own, I say.

    I’m curious though — if it’s not too personal — what DO you do after sex? If it’s not cuddling is it jumping up and leaving? Is it lying away from him and talking? What do you do then?

    Kurious kittehs want to know. hee..hee…

  3. My Favorite Pink Pussy–I dont mind that question at all….after all, what have we not shared right? *snort* Generally speaking, sex for us is a full on, bring your energy drink experience. So, afterward, we both wash up (remember…I am multi-orgasmic….it can be messy…..and not so in love with the UTI!). And, that is especially necessary if it has been particularily sweaty or other things have happened (we will have to cover female ejaculation in a post!–I have so learned some stuff in the past few weeks!!). We talk during that…usually then we settle in to sleep, get a snack from the kitchen, or watch TV. Usually–Geminis–we do all in different directions.

    But, what pulls us together is the non-sexual time we spend holding hands, chatting on the phone during the day to say he missed me, hugs in the kitchen when he cooks, or kisses when he comes in from work. We enjoy that affection on an ongoing basis instead of once in awhile after sexual exhaustion.

    Quite to the point–that is usually the mark of someone I really care for….deeply….those moments of non-sexual contact that I allow them and they allow me. Ummmm….. like being in Savannah and massaging MissM’s shoulders or the tickle session with you. 🙂 It is not what people are used to receiving as a classic show of affection, so they dont realize how deep it is or how important it is for me in the development of our relationship. I guess, in my estimation that affection and tenderness are something you show someone because you love and care for them. Not because you participated in a sexual act for pleasure.

    Fire away….I like questions. I am an open book! ~~Dee

  4. For me sex and love are two different things and you definitely don’t need one to enjoy the other. That said, I also know from experience that when they do come together it’s the best I’ve ever had, so I try to keep them together whenever possible.

  5. Jen–I always say….A man should not pretend like he is not interested in sex and I wont pretend like he has to love me to get it. That said, I have to love a person to consider them sexually–it is in my hardwiring because he has to really get deep into my soul to know me well enough to push my buttons. The rewards are great, but so are the scars! ~~Dee

  6. Another good point and eye opener. I think we women, whoever we are, should separate the two since guys do it all the time.

    sex is just sex to them and we shouldn’t let it crush us when love doesn’t come into play.

  7. Teri–We all know that guys seperate sex and love. The reality is like the age old questions of “does my butt look big in these jeans?” and “have you even found one of my friends attractive?” We are asking someone to lie to us so we feel better about a choice. Instead of making a choice for a lover and owning that, we have to be able to shift it over to say…”Well, he said he loved me.” ~~Dee

  8. I dont cuddle either. More specifically after sex. I will be next to him but there has to be at least 7 inches of distance between our bodies.

  9. MissM-yeah…I prefer sex on a very focused level and when I hear pillow talk I tend to think that person is hiding their intentions. If a man what’s to tell me he loves me or I am his world–after a sex haze or before sex with a goal in mind does not seem real. Before-he want sex. After-he barely knows his own name! Meaning of life and love is not for those times! Dee

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