Sex Snapshots

sexuality, sex blogs, sex , erotica female, eroticaFor some, capturing just the right image on film is an obsession.  For others, it is an art form.  I, personally, almost never take photos because they cannot do justice to the way I feel from the experience.  Instead of looking for the exhilaration and freedom of the experience—what I am getting out of it—I get the interpretation of the camera or, even worse, the photographer.  I think that is why most people don’t like their own picture …they see a stranger.
This is a similar experience, I think, that happens when relationships go stale.  Often, we learn so much about a person that we take a mental snapshot of them.  We forget that they are living, breathing human beings with the will and need to grow.  So, we keep our snapshots of that person, just as they were the moment we realized that we love them, and never change it.  Years later, we look back at that person and compare it to the person that we see over the dinner table only to find a stranger.

While it is never wrong to grow, as a matter of fact it seems unreasonable to expect anyone not to change over the course of some years when they add new experiences; there are special opportunities to update your photo with little gifts of insight.  One of my favorite gifts is for a sexy man to let me share something with me that I did know about him.  Especially, if I have known him for any length of time at all and he shares something so unbelievably out of character, he is all the sexier because he could throw something at me that slipped by my Gemini curiosity to dig deeply into people.

These two recent examples came to me almost at the same exact time from two of my favorite human beings:

  • I love old movies.  I will watch an old movie so many times that The Marine is almost on the floor writhing in pain from the torture.  Recently, while watching a Marx Brothers festival, he came into the room.  As I was working, I offered to let him change the channel.  “Are you kidding, I love the Marx Brothers,” he said almost indignant by the suggestion.  Now, I have known this man for the better part of 25 years and I have never seen him watch a Marx Brothers movie.  Heartbreak Ridge, AVP, Transformers….all sci-fi porn to him!  Loves them like the boobies….but the Marx Brothers?  Mmmm….unsuspected depth!  Damn, that was sexy.  A man that could laugh at the intelligent (and completely silly) humor of the Marx Brothers mixed with that body and deeply patriotic Semper Fi attitude—it almost overwhelming with a passion that burns like ice with the dichotomy.
  • I recently giggled like a small child when My Favorite Scorpio told me he was getting ready to go diving.  “Uh huh….right,” was my answer when he kept demanding to know what was so funny.  I believe I bruised his pride, but he has never done anything athletic or even walked fast as long as I have known him.  “I have been a certified diver for most of my adult life,” he smirked, “and little girl, there are lots of things I do you don’t know about,” he challenged.  “Like?” I asked, quite amused.  “Later.  Gotta go,” he laughed and hung up.  Somehow, finding out that there were other layers to this man that I know so well seems like a small gift…and an indicator that there is so much more to find out.


I interact with both of these men daily.  But, in each case, I had a frozen picture of who they are in my mind without stopping to remember that they are real human beings with passions, beliefs, and realities of their own.  Often, forgetting this fact ruins relationships.

Women are shocked to find that they or their partner have entered into a whole new phase of their life.  Perhaps, women are the guiltiest of this behavior because we are scared that change will bring a movement away from the status quo.  It does, by nature, mean just that.  But, what I would encourage is not that we struggle to maintain the status quo—that makes all participants unhappy as it asked someone to lie about who they are as they grow from the experiences of their lives—examine the changes with the courage to accept the things you can’t change (if it is in your best interest)….the strength to change the things you can change….and the serenity to know the difference.  Finding the changes in people you love should be an incredible gift…not the beginning of the end.

Hummm….there might be a 12 step program in there somewhere!  12 steps to Building a Strong Relationship.  Could put AA out of business.  I would drink to that!!  ~~Dee

13 thoughts on “Sex Snapshots

  1. So very insightful! Thank you for sharing this. I’ll bookmark this one. i’ve been following your blog for a little while now and it is always poignant and humorous and full of life.

    i wish i understood better Your relationship to the Marine vs. favorite Scorpio. i perceive Mr. Marine as your lover/partner/husband. But if you’ve shared as much as you care to, i understand.


  2. Robert–Very welcome. Often, men do not participate here because, although this is a forum for women seeking to understand themselves, women gain some knowledge on how men feel and react in a non-threatening way. It is a shame that most men are scared to appear here to share what they think….good for you for joining in.

    Hummm….did not realize that my relationship was not clear with each. Would make a good post. Soon then….~~Dee

  3. In my little world it boils down to “Trust”. Do I trust the man /men in my life enough to know that despite their growth/change/evolution , that they will still be by my side (and vice-versa, of course).

    Trust is the hardest thing for me to come by these day. But I’m working on it. 🙂

  4. Kitty–For every one…men and women…it will always be a matter of trust to show who you “really are.” It’s hard to lay your soul bare before someone…..what if they dont like you?…. what if they run away?…. worse…. what if they like you alot and want to stay close? Then, the scary part begins.

    I know you have it in you. 😉 ~~Dee

  5. It is a shame that most men are scared to appear here to share what they think….good for you for joining in.

    I don’t think it’s so much “scared” as that men typically don’t give a whole lot of thought to the whys and wherefores that we do what we do. It’s more that we’re not socialized to do so, and when confronted with the opportunity we often get sidetracked because we don… oh look – boobies!

  6. Tom–There there…sit quietly and stare at the ta-tas. Everything will be ok when the blood rushes back to your brain. 😉

    My Favorite Quote from North By Northwest:

    Roger Thornhill: The moment I meet an attractive woman, I have to start pretending I have no desire to make love to her.
    Eve Kendall: What makes you think you have to conceal it?
    Roger Thornhill: She might find the idea objectionable.
    Eve Kendall: Then again, she might not.

    Really though…a large portion of the male population is put off by the idea of sharing their ideas of sexuality (not you, my dearest Vanilla, of course) and actually representing themselves as thinking men. I am not sure if it is part of the female stereotype that men and brains dont usually go together….btw…I dont believe that…. because I cant even look at or talk to a stupid man… but men do tend to communicate in mono-syllable answers. I dont mind if a man talks to my boobs and gets himself a good visual going during a conversations….just please please please…. say something intelligent.

    I know…generalization, but I think that the key to getting into a womans panties has ALWAYS been conversation. I dont require a man to have any indepth knowledge on why men act as they do, but if he can tell me how he thinks and feels…. that is a great start. For example, some men do not like cat hair in butter. *laughing*

    Remember, you were the first man I interviewed for this blog….women always want to listen to men speak intelligently….turns us on. Like hearing a woman talk well about sports or cars, I guess. ~~Dee

  7. I just had a flashback….and Ken the nosy dinner neighbor seemed to be there too.

    reading through your comments I do have a question. Why is it that most men read, but fear or avoid commenting?

  8. MissM–Oh yes….Creepy Ken! I told My Favorite Scorpio about that–he said that I should have told him to buzz off! 😉

    I THINK that most men do not feel like they have a voice in our female community. I am not sure if they feel insecure or like we are a group of women waiting to attack. More to the point, I welcome men to share their ideas and play with the ladies of the *Cathouse.*

    All intelligent opinions are welcome–men and women–because women can guess what men think, but hearing their words makes sure we know what they think AND gives us power to think about the issues of sexuality with real input. ~~Dee

  9. Y’all kidding, right? Men keep to themselves because quite often nobody wants our opinions. No, I’m serious.

    Of course, quite often our opinion is “Nice boobs”

    Now, as it happens, I enjoy engaging in conversations about relationships and my wife does not – we’re doing some weird gender role reversal around here. For that matter, she usually grabs the TV remote and surfs. But most guys are afraid that they’ll say one wrong thing and then Boom! – they’ll become the fodder for jokes and insults. Even worse, the nicer guys won’t retaliate because we grew up believing that it would be wrong to be rude or hurtful to women.

    Funny – I just now caught part of a re-run of that old Tim Allen show. It really played up the stereotypes of how men would rather gargle hot coals than talk about our relationships. And truly, I’ve been there. “Jeez, I’m working a full time job and I come home every night, and I help do all the household chores. If you want to talk about relationships, then call up one of your girlfriends, will ya?”

  10. Tom–I can tell if a man is impressed with my boobs without him saying so. 😉 Although, I am not at all against the words because I am difficult to offend, respect everyones sexuality, and very aural. Now, rude to me comes in the form of how you address me. Not in what is being said. I love a man (or woman for that matter) who will challenge my ideas and assertions. I dont need someone to agree with my every word. I have a mirror for that. The two men that are the most amazing on the planet to me–The Marine and My Favorite Scorpio–will discuss anything with me without agreeing for a moment if they think I am misguided (no one is wrong who asserts their own true belief!). I have respect for both because of it. And…if their only opinion is “nice boobs,” then there is nothing for us to disagree about. That is just fact. 😉 BTW….I dont have girlfriends. *shrugs*

    Oh and….so glad to see you commenting here! Missed your fuzzy face! ~~Dee

  11. Dee,
    Thank you for making me feel welcome. I did a little bit of catch up this afternoon on your blog and have a little better idea on who people are in your life.

    I understand The Marine to be your husband of about 25 years, who also is the best man in the world (which is why you married him).

    I understand your Favorite Scorpio to be a close male friend of both you and the Marine.
    Of him you wrote “A man of strength who encourages my dreams, even when they are sexually oriented, by instilling the courage and empowerment in me to fight for what I want in my life. Just as I want it.”

    I think it’s wonderful that you have these strong and empowering relationships in your life, among many others.

  12. Robert–My Favorite Scorpio is a close friend of mine…but he would do anything needed for my hubby….just as I would for his wife. It is apart of being close friends….as I believe that friendship has no agenda except the truest acceptance and empowerment of the person you care for. See…to me…being a spouse has all types of agendas that pull a couple together to achieve the same goals (if the relationship works well). But, frienship is a relationship that says let me help you achieve your goals as you need to fulfill your life. The only agenda is the one you support for your friends growth and potential. This is what he does for me….and, I hope, I for him. ~~Dee

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