Sex Changes Everything

female erotica, literotica, sex blogs, sexI am never sure what happens to people once they enter into a ‘relationship.’  Although I am not naïve in my belief that it is human nature to try and change something to our liking, I am a little confused as to why we so quickly try to retool someone who attracts us. 

  • I realize that it has something to do with the speed at which we accept a person into our lives. 
  • I believe it must have something to do with the preservation of our own self-esteem and well being.
  • I think that it is possible we need to find a reason to continually invest our feelings in another person.

It is incredible to me that we meet a person that makes us enjoy that sensual, sexual part of our being and inspires feeling within that quicken the heartbeat with every encounter. 

And, with the richness and passion of that experience, why try to change those things in the person that creates the soul shaking, body tingling feelings that you search all your life to find?

For example, I am a complete flirt with the right man.  It is so natural that I breathe sexuality and exude sensuality.  A lesser man than The Marine might feel jealous and try to change this about me.  This would kill large parts of my soul because it is who I am.  So, because he understands me and knows that he is my choice, he stands back to watch the show with pride in a strong, sexy woman.

  • Do we try to change those things that are so attractive in a mate because we don’t want them to be attractive to others? 
  • Don’t we realize that when we change those things that make that person attractive to others—we change those things that make them attractive to us and attractive to themselves?

One day, you look at that person and wonder how you ended up with this person.  It is usually about the same time that your mate is looking in the mirror and wondering the same thing.  ~~Dee

6 thoughts on “Sex Changes Everything

  1. If there is anything I’ve learned from my past relationships it is to be together with someone might require some adjusting or compromise on both parts in some areas but as soon as it requires substantial change in whatever area, it’s no good. People should be able to basically accept each other the way and for what they are. In any kind of relationship… Don’t spend your energy trying to change each other. Spend it having a good time together and investing in your relationship…

    Now, just need to find me a man to put all that into practise… 😉

  2. Dutchie–I do agree. From the moment you look at that person with a laundry list of things to change, there should be a big sign that appears that says, “This is over!” I know that people realize they are not happy, but what I dont think that they realize is that the person that they are not happy with is not the person they are trying to change, it is themselves. Plus, we are so scared to just say that we failed and believe we are loosing a time investment instead of getting that they are loosing more by staying!~~Dee

  3. Dee, another great post, and you ask some great questions, but I also think this just scratches the surface.

    When you enter the relationship, is it with the person they (or you) really are, or have you put on a different persona to win (or be won)? You know, the whole game thing?

    But, I think the majority of it really lies with insecurities and fears. Wanting to control the situation so that YOU are secure in what you have. This touches on what you said about self-esteem and well-being, but I think it’s deeper than that.

    I think that it’s not so much about changing the other person because you don’t like their qualities as it is creating a situation you can control so you don’t inadvertantly lose what you think you have. Though that often happens anyway.

  4. Mars–I agree that we struggle so often to protect ourselves we often time jeopardize the relationship in the process. Even as big of a proponent as I am of risking myself, it is still hard for me to trust another person enough to invest that on a continual basis. That said, I have been with The Marine since I was 14 years old. It takes lots of change on both sides to be able to maintain a relationship like this. Perhaps we are lucky because we have never gotten that “who is this person I am married to?” question because we are constantly changing and have been since the first days of our relationships (Geminis!). When our relationship started, I was a painfully, non-social teenager that everyone walked past. You know that kids that was always reading in the corner and looked way too old mentally to be in high school. That was me. Now, I am the porn queen. Quite a shift, but…we roll that way!~~Dee

  5. And of course.. while the inner voices may be screaming “get out..get out!” there is another, more insidious voice saying quietly “you don’t want to be alone, so just keep trudging along”.

    I’ve had MORE conversations with ladies ranging from mid 20’s to early 40’s who are w/o a s/o and are so..so…*SO* unhappy!!! And they are all crying out for someone to fill that void. They want that special someone.

    So much so, that when someone comes along that even remotely matches what they think they want or need, they grasp onto them and cling for all it’s worth. Despite the fact that this person turns out to be completely wrong for them.

    Of course… my issue is that I can not connect sexually (not deeply, not mind-blowingly) W/O the deep emotional connection. Casual sex has never been my thing. I find it to be unsatisfying. So to invest that much of myself into someone makes it all the harder to cut the ties when that time comes.

    But — I *WILL* cut them….because I’m not going to live my life for anyone but myself.

    Ladies…be happy with YOU. First and foremost… that has to come first. 😉

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