Sex, Lies, and Orgasms

sex, sex blogs, literotica, female eroticaIf you are not sitting back firmly in your chair with a margarita in hand, then I will wait because what I am about to tell you will blow your ever loving mind. *Waiting* I am serious.  Go now….adult beverage!

You see…this all started on one rather chilly Fall day when My Favorite Female Scorpio MissM asked me about my favorite ways to bringing home the big “O” (Orgasm for all the sexually challenged) through penetration.  The talk spread around the *Cathouse* until My Favorite Pink Pussy CinnKitty told me that there were several woman who said that penetration did not pop the big “O” for them.  I started to get suspicious.  After all, these are very sexually aware women.  These women could teach classes on sex, so I know they are in tune with their sexuality and what strokes their love buttons.  Hummm… the past Librarian came out in me and I did a little research.  Ready??

Q:  Do you know what % of women can not achieve orgasm through penetration?
A:   80% of women say they can not achieve orgasm through penetration!

I had to read that statement through a few times to really understand.  It was like a bad car accident!

Reality Check:  That means, if the stat holds true, then out of a million women, 800,000 have to employ other methods to reach sexual satisfaction!  That is more than will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year (1 in 8 women).

Now, I know.  You are saying to yourself….”Dee, you can’t really be comparing breast cancer to inability to achieve orgasms.  The two do not compare!”  I agree.  One will kill your body…the other will kill your soul.  Plus, women will live a very long time, more than 62 years assuming that the average female lifespan is 79 years, without experiencing an orgasm because they don’t know or won’t accept that there is nothing wrong with masturbation, sex toys, or self love. 

More than that, for most women who do not achieve orgasm through penetration, they begin to feel like something must be wrong with them.  They believe that all women “get off” through penetration.

This is what I am screaming to women everywhere.  It is not true.  It’s a lie.  4 out of 5 women do not achieve orgasm through penetration.  You are not alone if you can not get to the point of orgasm through intercourse.  There are many different ways to reach for the pleasure you deserve:  clit massage, g-spot, oral sex, sex toys, visualization, or erotica are some that cum (smile) to mind.  These are not separate methods.  Think of them more as sexual flavors.  Taste them all…use as many as you want.

In the next few days, I welcome all to discuss and reaffirm the necessity of orgasmic pleasures for a woman and share the road.  I open the doors of the *Cathouse* to all who want to grace our place.  I will be posting information about the different techniques and methods of play to help you get past the point of penetration (pun intended).  If you don’t feel like you can comment here, then just hang out and hear what others are saying.

Hear what I am saying.  Four out of five women means that you are not alone.  A matter of fact, this is probably every woman you know.  That this epidemic is not well known means that there is a taboo nature to it.  And here is where we start to change that!

Remember:  The fear last a moment, but the freedom lasts a lifetime!~~Dee

18 thoughts on “Sex, Lies, and Orgasms

  1. Most men don’t know this about women either, Dee.

    Of course, we also all think we’re the best lovers and even though those guys couldn’t make you cum that way, we can.

    I’m looking forward to all of the things I can learn from the forthcoming discussions.

  2. I stumbled on to your blog from Mars’s blog and I’m sure glad I did. It’s incredible to realize that 80% of women can’t reach orgasm through penetration. For years I thought something was wrong with me. I am definitely looking forward to the upcoming topics!

  3. Dee, you’ve put me in a bind. Does this mean if I don’t promise you will come do things to me? And if I do promise, do I get to choose whose good I use the knowledge for? 😉

  4. Mars–Bind? I would not have thought you a man that liked to be tied up! But, if that is what floats your….ummm….boat, I am sure I can take care of it. Remember, name, rank, and serial only! I am counting on you to hold out!! (snort, giggle)~~Dee

  5. Dee, of course men know how to spell foreplay, the problem is for most men “fore” means “look out it’s coming” so you get a quick warning and BAM!

    And you guessed right, I have a hard time giving up control so being tied up is hard for me to do. And if you’re counting on me to hold out, you might be pleasantly disappointed. I have no willpower.

  6. I wonder if those statistics include women who stimulate their clits during penetration? Because I can come during penetration if I do that… but very very very very very rarely without. Like, I think I can count on one hand the times I’ve had an orgasm during penetration without clitoral stimulation…

  7. Selena–I wonder how many women even think about clit stimulation. I mean, they know they are not coming. They know this is they way it is done (right? Isn’t this the way that it happens in all the porn and romance novels???~~lol). I wonder how many women know where their clit is and feel comfortable enough to work it. I know my body did not come with an owners manual and I did not get masturbation in my health class! The education system is so lacking.~~Dee

  8. OMG — okay.. here’s where I hijack your comments section for a while. ha..haha..

    80% can *NOT* — this doesn’t surprise me. As we discussed, more and more of my female friends have opened up about sex and the vast majority of them say that clitoral stimulus is the ONLY way they achieve orgasm.

    This doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy penetration, not at all. Just that, they/their partner/both of them… help her to achieve orgasm via playing with the clitoris in some form or fashion… generally BEFORE penetration occurs.

    So here’s a question then — perhaps, when a man has already satisfied his partner and he knows that she won’t come while he’s in her, he has no motivation to last longer??

    Maybe…just maybe..this might be a reason for the vast majority of the men I’ve know to have such little stamina/staying power when it was time for actual penetration.

    Sooooo…when you get the girls like myself.. the ones who DO orgasm via penetration (and most often ONLY orgasm via penetration) the poor man doesn’t stand a chance!

    Here he is..trying so hard to make me come like all the other girls he’s had…and I’m not gonna. But now he’s gotten himself worked up into a frenzy (and me too) but once he actually achieves penetration…. stroke…stroke…stroke.. BAM! He’s done. Because that’s what he’s been doing all along.

    It’s a very rare day that I’m *SO* worked up that just those three strokes (I’m exaggerating…slightly) do it for me. I need longer than that, really I do! A good 10 -25 minutes for example.

    But that’s not what these men have learned or been taught over time.. so they don’t have the ability to last.

    Well…HELL! That sucks for me!

    And then, there is another concept that I was discussing with a friend. He says that many of the women he’s encountered didn’t really understand or know how to have “good” sex.

    He said their idea of good sex was to jump on, clamp their muscles down as tightly as they could and ride the hell out of him. Which.. in his own words… is as good as “milking him dry”. So he *couldn’t* last when a girl did that… 🙂

    It seems like there are all sorts of ideas to discuss on this topic.

    Thanks for bringing it up Dee… you deliciously yummy babe you! 😉

  9. My Pink Pussy–You have a great point. I dont believe that most women know anything about “good” sex! Anyone want to venture a defintion of that? What makes sex “good”? But, our first educational experience is as in the back of a car (yes….MissM I know…never in the back of a car!~~lol) or some equally as rushed, unfulfilling way. We are not taught in school. Our mothers dont teach us. The internet is scary. So, we do what we *think* is the right thing. AND…by the way, men are as bad to lie to a woman about performance. He looked happy, but did he get more out of it than 10 seconds of fluid?~~Dee

  10. Kitty, let me answer some of it…

    Most men think that once they’ve gotten their woman off (achieved their goal) then they’ve won and it’s time to finish the race, so it’s not necessarily a matter of motivation. They just think they’re done. Now, depending on how high he sets the goal determines how long he’ll try and last.

    As for working up the frenzy to the point where he can’t last…that applies to some men and not to others. Sex is like a second language: you don’t use it, you lose it. If the guy hasn’t had any consistent sex in awhile…he’s most likely a short timer. You have to build up a tolerance. Or maybe he doesn’t know how to make things last longer (or god forbid, doesn’t know that he should).

    I also see where your friend is coming from, but, hello, if things aren’t going the way I want them to (as in you’re gonna make me cum before I want to) then I’m going to take control and we’re gonna do things my way for a bit which means moving into a different position that might not be so sensitve, or changing back and forth from toy to dick, dick to oral. Someway, somehow, we’re gonna get there together…my stamina or not. So, I would say your friend “chooses” not to last. And besides, I think men can teach women just as well as women can teach men, so if he’s encountering women that fall into the categories you mentioned, then he has a responsibility to help them. Don’t ya think?

    And if a guy really cares enough, he can train himself to cum and then stay hard without missing a stroke so that it doesn’t matter either way.

  11. Mars–In response to your comment, I recently gave a long lecture about multi-orgasmic men and how a man can teach himself to control how he cums. It is doable…but it takes effort and control. And, of course…interest.~~Dee

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