Mental Masturbations and Fantasies

female erotica, literotica, sex blogs, sexI want to stress that I don’t have the answers for the sex questions I am going to ask.  I am really just wondering when the line between flirtation blurred into adultery so psychologist could starting using the term “emotional affair.”  See, I am always careful of things that pigeon hole our sexuality into psychological terms that casts sexual feeling and behaviors into a negative light.   My questions obviously refer to those who are in committed relationships or have been in a committed relationship at one time.  We have all been there once or twice righto?  If you just needed to be committed after a relationship, then it probably does not count because we have all been there too!

My focus is rather when people started taking flirtation to the art form so seriously needing an intervention by Dr. Phil that it bordered on an “emotional affair.”  I mean, I am a woman who is used to being surrounded by men.  I am highly sexual and known to banter comments of a sexual nature at both men and women.  The Marine readily admits that I am a “man’s woman.”  It’s a compliment.  He is equally a “woman’s man.”  The ladies love him.  Good for us.  It works out as a mental stimulus because we are monogamous.  Women will frequently share with me the sexiness of The Marine.  I agree!

But, we have questions that we never ask because it invades the privacy of our sexuality and our minds.  These questions either ask one person to lie about their true thoughts or lie about their sexuality.  Contrary to popular belief, a marriage license or commitment of any type does not give another person the right to control your mind.

Here is a list of sample questions we don’t ask:

  • Have you ever wanted to sleep with one of my friends?
  • Have you ever slept with anyone better than me? (This can refer to size, shape, or abilities)
  • Do you ever fantasize about a stranger? Co-worker? Ex? Celebrity?
  • Do you ever have sexual conversations with other people?  (That’s pretty obvious!  You read this blog don’t you??)

How scary would it be to think that a man you were spending intimate time with did not fantasize about sexing up a good looking woman I would think The Marine was broken!

In reality, asking any one of these questions, to me, only asks your partner to lie to you to assuage feelings of sexual insecurity.  Moreover, fantasizing is a natural exercise of the mind and a sign of a healthy sexual appetite.  Is there anyone who has never thought about one of these things while in a relationship?  What matters at the end of the day is not whether The Marine saw a woman and thought something lascivious (only in a good way of course) about her, but that he brought those passions home and shared them with me.

What bothers me most is that when we put a name on sexualities or sexual feelings human beings tend to use those negative stigmas to chastise and criticize. In truth, adultery, cheating, and affairs involve a sense of voluntary physicality.  For most women, sex and emotions are tied up together in one large not so neat package.  And, if we are going to have the “emotional affair police” to tag everyone who has sexual feelings or thoughts for someone they know, its going to get very hot and crowded in those cells. 

Could we please try not to give ourselves yet another reason to repress our sexuality and feel guilty about our sexual feelings?  Before, you had to commit adultery to feel guilty about it…now, you must only think about having sex with someone else!

What I would ask at this point is if a woman were having the same discussions or emotional involvement with another woman, would it still be an “emotional affair?”  If so, then women have been committing this sin of mental masturbation for many years!  And secretly, I believe that men have been too…they only do so while scratching and having a beer together.  What talented little creatures they are! (laughing)  ~~Dee

14 thoughts on “Mental Masturbations and Fantasies

  1. hi sweet heart, just wanted to stop by and say hi
    I am writitng all the time, and I see you do that too
    greet, sofia with the “pissed comment funk”

  2. Rose-Mental masturbations (I am dyslexic and this is hard to spell!) are very healthy and good for the soul. If you have a blog (and I know you do…cause I looked and loved it!), then I can add you to the Erotica by You tab so you are featured. People love that tab. Would love to do that!~~Dee

  3. Best post I’ve read to date here, Dee.

    Those questions are the worst, and they completely force you to lie to your SO. Let’s also leave out the “How many people have you slept with?” question too. Ugh. And you’re completely right about the motivation behind the questions.

    How’d you get so smart? 😉

  4. Mars-OMG….how could I have missed the dreaded “How many people” question? No matter the answer, no one is happy. I had a friend that said to me that she only asked because of AIDs. I encourage everyone to just get tested together. That would show me love…I care enough about you NOT to give you a deadly disease! But that question is a killer! You know….smart = survival skills in the Corps. (smile)~~Dee

  5. Oh, I think there’s a big difference between “mental masturbation” and emotional infidelity.

    IMO, if you’re sharing parts of yourself that you don’t, won’t, can’t or are unwilling to share with your partner, you’re being unfaithful. If you have to keep that part of your ‘friendship’ secret, then you already know you’re in the wrong.

    For what it’s worth, to me, this is completely different than asking questions you really don’t want to know the answers to. Asking about the past is fruitless.

    Hiding the fact that your present involves a deep, intimate relationship with someone who’s not your committed partner, that’s different.

    IMO, anyway. I’m pretty free and easy when it comes to sex, but I’m not committed and I can be. That would be 180 degrees different if I were exclusively involved with any one person.

  6. SWF42–Any time you lie to yourself (biggest wrong ever) or to your significant other, you are wrong. Perhaps that is why I can not see the difference as readily…I dont lie to anyone…not even me. I recommend that all relationships (present ones anyway!) are disclosed fully from the moment of commitment.

    By the same token though, my point was just that we dont constantly need psychologist and TV analyst coming up with new terms that make us feel guilty for the way we feel. To physically commit adultry is wrong. To lie is wrong. To think…is not a freedom….it is a right of every human being. And, IMHO, women do not need a psychologist telling them what to think and producing new neurosis. We have plenty of that in society already. Welcome to SexyWhispers!~~Dee

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  8. Love this post, Dee. Makes me wonder how many times Ive rolled in hell for having “mental masturbation” lol…

    Now, the questions – it would be the worst time too if any one of those listed are asked while you-are-at-it. Such a turn off.

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