Welcome to my world. I grew up a little today in several ways, but the most significant involved a visit from two good men to explain the ideas of male sexuality to me. You see, I wrote a post about being told that I think about sex “like a man.” Both of these men (one a Marine…if I have to collect something….Marines and Scorpios are my choice!! I ♥♥♥ Marines and Scorpios!) stepped up to explain something about male sexuality to me. I asked questions and levied responses at them…they in turn answered with the simplicity and honesty of stating facts. I say honestly because that is a big criterion for making a grade with me. It has often gotten me a big punch in the nose, mentally of course because WE DON’T HIT without consent in this house, but I can deal with the truth a lot faster than trying to constantly align a lie.
What did they tell me? It easy…and complex…
- Men are uncomfortable and insecure about their sexuality.
- Men have trouble talking about sexual things.
- Men still feel like they are expected to lead the way and make decisions.
- Men don’t know what we like sexually because we don’t tell them or we lie to them to save their feelings.
- Men are scared of sexual failure.
In these few minutes of discussion, a realization hit the back of my brain and bounced forward. Perhaps the reason that women and men have so much trouble communicating, especially about sex, is that we share lots of the same sex issues. So, instead of seeing our partner for the person they are and freeing them to be the person that they sexually want to be, we see ourselves reflected in the eyes of the person across the sheets. We ask ourselves questions of doubt instead of giving ourselves sexual permission to have the answers.
Q: What if he is not into me?
A: I am an amazing woman. I know what is sexy about me. My eyes, my hair, my thighs, my smile…and the way I used it all….to make me feel sexy and him feel wanted.
Q: What if I say or do something stupid?
A: I am intelligent. I am empowering myself not to accept less for myself sexually than all that I can have. I will not hold second place.
Q: What if this guy is another loser like the last one?
A: I acknowledge what made the last relationship fail and will move on to the present. By understanding where I made the mistake (there are always mistakes on both sides…in all relationship failures…even if it was only staying too long!), I will be stronger in my next relationship and make better decisions.
The list of questions goes on and on…“what ifs” and “what abouts.” My main question is “why?” To say that everyone on the planet is damaged and carrying loads of baggage is probably an understatement. How much baggage do you want on your sex bus and do you want it in the way where you are constantly tripping over it? It was so adequately put today when I was asked “what can be done to help women get out of their own way?” Just this…just what I am doing here.
You know my motto…I have said it so many times. “Take my hand…the fear lasts for seconds, but the freedom lasts for a lifetime!”
Kisses to the Misses (especially to my Princess who is feeling less than her sexy self tonight!)….and the men too for their interest in promoting sexually minded women. I have added them to the blogroll under a new category…Men Making Sense. Although it will be a short category, it will definitely be a place of honor.
I would make you honorary women, but The Marine always says that “if men had boobs, they would never make it out of the shower in the morning!” So, it’s probably safer this way. ~~Dee