Often, I encounter women who can not talk about sex. The very idea of verbalizing a fantasy or talking dirty to a lover throws even the most confident women into a deep insecurity complex. As women, our culture teaches that there are words that “good girls” do not use. So, when I hear or see women using those words, I cheer loudly…especially if they pull it off with grace and acceptance of what they said. No apologies, no embarrassment, no pain…just a matter of fact statement of truth.
Aural sex is the same way. Many women would love to share their fantasies with their man, engage in the phone sex that will bring him running to her bedside, and use the words that splatter his passions uncontrollably all over the wall. Even if you can’t face him now with those words tripping lightly off of your lips, you can work yourself into it with a sexy game of cat and mouse to give you the thrill of the excitement and him the new view on some old passions.
A few steps before starting…
- Make yourself a list of all of the words you would not say to him: cock, fuck, pussy, dick, tits, screw….use your imagination. If you can’t write, then you can’t say it!
- Now, go into the bathroom, look into the mirror, and say these words out loud. Laugh if it’s funny (and it should be—a grown woman not able to say simple words to her bathroom mirror…after all, if this mirror could talk! Enuff said!)
- Call a best girlfriend (if she wont be offended or insulted) and start the conversation off with one or two of these words. Can you imagine? “Hello?” your best friend answers the phone. “Fuck,” you say. When you finish giggling and laughing (remember—laughter is good…healing…triggers endorphins), explain what you are doing. If she is really a best friend, she will want to try it too. Trouble in Twos is my motto of life!
Work on your confidence and comfort with these words. Say them to you, her, and the bathroom mirror until they don’t cause that sense of panic anymore. Also, you can say them to the dog or cat in your life. Great thing about pets….they never judge and always look at you like you are brilliant no matter what you say to them.
Need motivation? Visit the Erotica by You tab on this blog, listen to some of the Steamy WM Podcasts, or check out some of the female erotica sample stories from WM! Either way, find some sexy words that inspire you to use your own sexy voice.
One of the quickest ways to become comfortable with the sound of your own voice saying these words is to record it. There are two really nice things about making a detailed recording of your sexual fantasies for your lover:
- First, you can erase and start over until is just like you want it. Close your eyes…get into the feeling….work the visual…and describe what you see and feel. Remember, this is your fantasy, so feel free to make it about you. Men are not stupid and they are very visually graphic. If it leads to sex, then he will follow your erotic imagery to the peaks of your pleasure.
- Second, you are saying these things to him, but not in front of him until you are comfortable with him hearing them directly. You will be surprised at how quickly those words start to slip out once you see his eyes light up. And, the extra effort will not be lost!
A few sensual hints to find the pleasure point:
- Use his name or a pet name that you both know. If you have a sexy inside joke between the two of you…use it.
- Be creative. If you always have sex in bed, then stretch your imagination to somewhere you have not been before. Remember, it is your fantasy. What would you like?
- Speak slowly and include details, sound effects (come on ladies, you know what I mean!), movements….take your time to tell him what you would like.
- You are using his words to describe your fantasy. This is where the two of you will interact. Enjoy what you are doing.
- Give the recording to him when he is away from you. Mark the CD “sensitive information” or “For Your Ears Only.” Put it in a sexy card. Tape it to the steering wheel in his car.
- Don’t connect it to an occasion. Men already feel pressure for gifts and such recognition during anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, etc. Make this just about sexual connection. Light his fire for no reason…other than the obvious.
As with all of the Erotica Games, I welcome all to add suggestions or let me know how it worked for them! ~~Dee