“Of course, I had ‘the sex talk’ with her a few years ago.”
I smile as she whispers “the sex talk,” but I have known her long enough to know that we are not talking about the same thing…on purpose! She is trying very hard to avoid my question.
“I believe I asked you if you had spoken to her about safe sex.” She smiles at me as though she was humoring a small child.
“I know,” her voice strained, “what you asked me, but her boyfriend is a nice boy. A very religious family. He is from our church.”
“Look, it is very clear to me that you don’t want to talk about it, but let’s be real. I do believe that you have an obligation to her to talk to her about safe sex,” struggling to remain objective. She has been my friend forever and I love her like she was my own sister, but sometimes, she can be out of touch with the world.
“If I explain the uses of birth control to her, then I am condoning her using them.”
“My dear girl, surely you can remember being a teenager. It can’t have been that long ago,” I remarked, clearing walking on the fighting side of her. “More importantly, she has been dating the same boy for a year. No matter what anyone teaches them, they are still very hormonal.” I can’t believe that I once had to go pick this woman up while walking naked down the street on a dare (ok…we had a little more to drink than was good for anyone!). She seemed so much hipper to the world before her daughter hit teenage years.
“Let me just take her to lunch and we can talk about it. That way, you don’t really have to be in the middle. She is going off to college in less than a year…with or without the boyfriend, she needs this information.” Deep breathe….she shakes her head. Everyone seems relieved.
It is possible that, because I do not have children, I do not fully appreciate the difficulty here, but none the less….IMHO….there is a strong responsibility. So, I suck it up and go by to get her around noon for lunch. She climbs up into my truck and automatically starts to adjust the CD player. I smile and make a comment about school. It’s fine. The answer works for me because I am not really there to chat about school.
We get to the restaurant and order lunch. I am itching for an adult beverage, but some things are better done with a clear mind. “So, how is Mr. Wonderful?” Goofy smile, blush, and she ducks her head. Plays with the straw in her glass. Uh huh…I see.
We chat lightly about Mr. Wonderful and I get tired of the small talk. “Here’s the deal. You know, I am completely against young girls having sex. Your mind is not grown up enough to help your body out. You make decisions and have experiences that may color the rest of your outlook on sex forever.” I have her attention….she looks just like her mother. She does not like where this is going…its ok….neither do I.
“Anything you want to share with me?” She shakes her head no. That could mean either she does not want to tell me or there is nothing to tell. I am not betting either side because I don’t love the odds.
“Well then, you can listen because I am buying lunch and I drove.” She looks at me speculatively.
“My mother already had that talk with me. I know all about sex.” I try not to laugh. Hell, I am twice her age with vast more experience and I don’t know ALL about sex!
“What I want to talk to you about is safe sex. Protecting yourself. American has the highest teen pregnancy rate and there are over 60 million people with AIDs in the world. Then, there are STDs that can cost you the ability to have children later.”
“I remember this talk from health class,” she is playing with the straw again. Damn that straw makes me nervous.
“Ok….make you a deal. You answer these three questions and I will leave you alone. Deal?” She perks up and smiles. This kid has always been too smart and she knows it. She shakes her head yes.
- Where is your clit located?
- How do you feel about oral sex?
- What is the safest form of contraception?
“What do those questions have to do with anything?,” she rolls her eyes at me.
“Because, the first one has to do with how much you know about your own body, the second one about what you are willing to do to please your partner, and the third one shows that you can take responsibility for both of you.”
That was the longest lunch of my life. Less than a year from now she will be in college. I can’t remember at her age if I knew everything or not. I must have…what a difference a few years can make! ~~Dee