Ok, so here I am wrestling with the meaning of life, love, and sexuality at 2 am in the morning. Why? Well, I always get such a charge out of the comments on the blog. They make me think, feel, evaluate, and rethink. The best ones are the ones that challenge me to assess what I believe. That happened tonight…rather late. CinCitySins wrote me quite a thoughtful comment about the relationship of men to the development of women sexually. I hope everyone takes a moment to read what she wrote…I was impressed by the intelligence of response. She disagreed with me (kisses to the Misses for that!) about this passage:
“You see, men are not the reason women do not feel good in their own skin. Each woman is responsible for her erotic self.”
I thought about this for many hours. I had another post written, but I really wanted to take the time to pull this apart from several angles.
- I honestly believe that NO one except me determines who / what I am. I dont want to leave something this important in someone elses hands. This is the only way that I can take responsibility for the result and my actions. It would be too easy, in my opinion, to say that someone did this, so I did that! This is especially true when we consider sexuality. I believe, again IMHO, that everyone is born sexual. I will concede that men are taught to express their sexuality more openly by society, but the true acceptance and love for ourselves as sexual, erotic beings can not be given to us (and won’t be if we wait for someone else to hand us this gift). Women must step up and firmly believe that they are worthy of the divine gift of sexuality. It’s no different in my mind than having blue eyes or brown hair…..being tall or short…..A cup or DD cup. It is what we do with…not what a man does with it….that makes us sexual beings.
- Another way that we learn to accept our sexuality, that does not have anything at all to do with men, is through our identity with other women. Not one man in my life taught me to put on makeup, pick a great pair of high heels, hold my head up with confidence when I walk into a room, or make eye contact with someone. It is like a recent discussion I had with a friend when my hubby went on a fishing trip with bunches of guys. She wanted to know why I “allowed” that. (I should take a moment here to note that we do not “allow” each other to do things. We are grown adults with intelligence…allowing someone to do something should stay strictly within sexual play—not in decisions about life.) My answer was simple. Men help men to be men. Yeah….so they sit around fishing, drinking beer, telling lewd jokes, and scratching. He comes home with a sunburn and needing a shower (wow…the smell of fish) with quite an appreciation for his wife…if you get my drift! In the same way, if there is a failure in society for women learning the “womanly arts,” then should we not look to the women around us? Look around this blog at the women who have commented here and are on the blogroll here….we have built this community because women can teach and make each other stronger. We can pass to our girls the art of being sexually comfortable. We don’t need to put our identity and sexual freedom in the hands of anyone else. As for me….I absolutely won’t give anyone that control of who I am, who I will be, or what will bring me pleasure.
I realize that I have preached a little….well, hell…it’s my party and I will preach if I want to!! But more than anything, I want to thank CinCitySins again….my favorite male Scorpio says, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them.” And what you have shown me tonight is a thoughtful, insightful, strong woman willing to stand up and be counted for her opinion. For that, you get my respect.~~Dee