“What’s wrong with women anyways?” Brian asked me.
If he had not been so serious, that question alone would have been enough to earn him one of my annoyed, one eyebrow raised looks that quiet small screaming children in restaurants and Wal-Marts. Worse…he was not only very serious, but tortured. That combination could only mean one thing: Shellie. As I settled back in my chair and contemplated if it was too early in the day for an adult beverage (because clearly this was going to be a long discussion!), Brian started to tell me about his dinner with Shellie the previous night.
Now, at this time, I should remind my reading audience about my status as PQ. Well, apparently, I know everything about women. In reality, nothing is farther from the truth. I know about as much about women as any other woman. Show and Tell over….now you know practically everything about me! Back to the story…
In the more than 5 years that I have known Brian, he have never struck me as the type of man that always comments about female behaviors or whines excessively about things women do. He has what my Marine Corps / Superman-in-disguise hubby refers to as “great survival skills.” When a woman asks if her butt looks big in a dress, Brian knows the right answer. So, this question from Brian really set off my radar. It seems, the night before, he was at dinner with Shellie (very long term relationship) when he observed that a girl across the room had pretty hair. This seemed extremely safe to me, but Shellie took it to heart and they ended up eating dinner in a long, awkward silence.
“Don’t women have any confidence? When did they stop appreciating what is pretty and start looking for what is wrong?” he wanted to know, each word dipped in frustration.
As I drove home from lunch, I really started to think about what Brian had said to me. And you know…he is right! How many times have you heard a woman cut another woman down with:
- Can you believe she is wearing that dress, shoes, or hairstyle?
- Does she really need to talk, walk, flirt, or laugh like that?
- Is her butt too big for those pants or what?
- Has she gained 10 pounds?
- Natural Blonde? Right!
- Those aren’t real!
It seems in the competition to be “the woman” cut throat and back stabbing passes for acceptable ways to gain points. Heaven and earth forbid that our man actually observe something attractive about another woman! There will be no peace in that house (or bedroom) tonight.
I blame it on a lack of confidence and pride in our status as women. It seems that when you feel confident about yourself, sexually, mentally, and physically, you are more prepared to invest that same confidence in your mate as well as other women. Now, I am quite sure that many people will ask me to put my money where my blog is. After all, what woman would sit idly by and accept the comments of a mate about another woman?
<raising hand> I would. I do. More than, I throw in my two cents! If I agree, I say so. Why? It simple really…I have a strong sense of sexuality and self. I know what my mate thinks of me without question. Two things that we live by are that you can not censor the thoughts of another person (no thought police here!) and you can not abuse someone for telling you what they really believe is true. With this in mind, my husband often tells me if a girl is pretty or she has something attractive about her. And as a reward for his honesty, I tell him what I think also.
In short, the whole discussion has nothing to do with me. I am confident enough in my own skin to know my value and what I am in his life. He is not saying that another woman is prettier or more desirable than I am. He is confiding in me that something about someone else is attractive. It’s not at all a competition for his affections. I have that.
After all, I require that he respect women (easy for him as he was raised by women). But, I do not require that he stop being a thinking, feeling man who enjoys his sexuality anymore than he would ask that of me.
Questions, Comments, Emotional Outburst? Take your best shot!~~Dee