“If three’s a crowd, we don’t even want to know what four is!”

As a professional marketer (means that is how I make a living!), I know that the first rule of marketing is ALWAYS “never offend your audience.”  Although the old cliche says “there is not such thing as bad PR,” it only takes one small mistake to turn a trendy ad into a poisonous personal plight by an audience. 

Take, for example, the ongoing fight by a “well-meaning” audience to get David Letterman pulled off of the air.  Granted, these are people who could not drag their carcuss out of the house to go vote for President, but David Letterman insinuated in a joke that it was acceptable for a grown man to rape a 14 year old girl.

Now, realistically, does anyone who has taken their medications for the day really believe that David Letterman believes that it is acceptable for a man to rape a teenage girl?  No!  Was the joke in bad taste?  Yes!  But, again, realistically, most of David Letterman’s jokes are in bad taste.

I won’t even discuss the Sarah Palin, media whore, fevered mob mentality about the joke, but I will say that an audience can turn on a company in a heartbeat.  Never is this more true than with sexuality in the United States. 

 It seems there is big stir about this new Calvin Klein billboard:

 Now, I personally think that the ad is a beuatiful celebration of sexuality.  As a marketer, however, I can appreciate something more in this Calvin Klein ad.  This ad is literally the expression of every form of sexuality including:

• solo sex, twosomes, threesomes, and foursomes
• voyeurism, masturabation, and exhibitionism
• homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality

What makes it sexy is that everyone in the ad looks so accepting of their sexuality and comfortable in their own skin.  Oh, if only life inimitated art!

As  a marketer, I can appreciate that Calvin Klein, in one ad, did what I have come to expect from Calvin Klein.  They made jeans sexy to everyone on the planet!  ~~Dee

“Want to trade keys,” the significantly older woman beamed at me standing next to her Navigator. 

“Not yet,” I answered back with humor in way that suggested we were more than strangers, “I have only had her for two months.”
 
“Sure is pretty,” I stepped to the side so she could see inside of the shiny Z4 that seemed almost as necessary to me now as my own heartbeat.  It was freedom…and it was peace.  Speeding down the interstate at 70 mph, hair whipping in the wind, with the top down singing at the top of my voice, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T…Find out what it means to me,” did not make me feel like an idiot at all.

“Mind if I give you a little advice?” her eyes smiled at me even through her sunglasses.

“I always listen to advice.  You never know where wisdom comes from.”

“Enjoy every minute of it while you can.  I wish I had a car like that at your age,” as she reached over to pat my arm.

After we parted, I wished I had offered to give her a ride down the road.  I wished that I would have shared of few minutes of my happiness and freedom with her for the gift of her words to a total stranger.  Because, in those few seconds, she imparted an absolute world of wisdom to me.

We are so busy worrying about everyday that we fail to recognize today for the value of more than just going to work, fixing dinner, and washing clothes.  When I started my own business 4 years ago, I asked a great friend and mentor who is outrageously successful the one pressing question on my mind:

“If you had known when you started that you would be this successful today, then what would you have done differently.”

Response: “I would have enjoyed the journey more.”

There seems to be a pattern!  ~~Dee

“You guys dont look like you have been married 20 years,” a friend commented over lunch last week.

“Thank you,” I commented absent-mindly.  I had heard that comment hundreds of times over my 20 year marriage.

“No offense,” he stuttered, “I meant that as a compliment.”

“No problems.  I accepted it as a compliment,” I responded with my best pretty girl smile.

I realized something this past year as The Marine and I traveled throughout the world.  We are so connected that we make other people uncomfortable around us. 

• It goes deeper than finishing each others sentences. 
• It is more than just agreeing about the grocery lists of marriage. 
• It is even exceeding the basic day to day existence of life.

What I was truly surprise to find out is that people tend to use as a reflection.  A mirror if you will.  They look into the mirror, Snow White style, and expect to see the reflection of paradise in their own relationships.  They examine their relationship in a compare and contrast manner to find things like they dont hold hands enough…or they dont talk enough…or they aren’t romantic enough…or they are not sexually trusting enough.

And, here in lies the problem.  When you look at the relationships of others and assume you can see a reflection, then you miss the point of the relationship.  No two relationships are the same just like no two fingerprints are the same.

But.  There is a secret to our marriage.  It is freedom.  In our twenty years of marriage and four years prior of dating, we do not limit each other.  So many spouses spend loads of time monitoring the other like they were children who needed “permission” to behave in a certain way, they often forget that having fun together and experiencing life is a major part of staying in love with the person you married.

Sitting in Hooters a few nights ago, it started to sink in that the majority of men in this place were probably married.  YET, the women in their lives were…ummm….well, who the hell knows?  Why?  Because women are against seeing boobs?  Because women dont like sports food?  Let me guess….its because they dont think that women should be looked at as a sexual object?  Uh huh.  Right. 

Me…I am not so offended  by the boobies!  The food is the same as in Applebees…the view is just different.

In reality, we dont look like we have been married for 20 years because we are still sharing the adventures of being married.  Does that sound complicated?  Experiencing life and love together.  Wow…sounds like a novel concept.  ~~Dee

Wow….I have to say….I am all about the male form!  Not every man of course.  That is like not having a favorite flavor of ice cream.  Everyone does…I am just very picky!  Ok..enough about me.

When I saw this picture in Allure magazine of Cindy Crawford naked and all lathered, I was blown away!  In Allure magazine, there is a series of photos about the pains women go through to look younger and keep their beauty.  The pictures are very tasteful (even if they leave nothing to the imagination!!), but they are right on target.

More than that, I want to hug her for facing the world in a 43 year old body (that looks 20 years old) that has had 2 children and years of abuse of being a model with a “this is it!” confidence.  See, we are so focused on teaching young girls that sexuality, self-esteem, confidence are important…we forget that there are no role models for this in our own generation for women of my age!  Until now!  Enjoy….Cindy Crawford naked and all lathered.

With a bow of acceptance for a fearless female refusing to be airbrushed into perfection….I hope all women aspire to that level of confidence when they grow up.  ~~Dee

Note:  Decided to just add the picture here so you could see it! 

Usually, I avoid mixing green things and sex.  It just screams antibodics and doctors!  But, this does mean lucky!  Plus, I have always consider condoms to be lucky.  After all, if you need a condom and you have one…that is damn lucky!!  Enjoy  ~~Dee

Wear the green! These St. Patrick’s Day Condom Pops are available in four assorted styles: Leprecondom – Wear With Pride, Kiss Me I’m Irish, Four Leaf Cover, Put on the Green; and feature traditional clover designs.

I think that I love the woman that wrote this…it made me smile…and I wanted to share with each of you…MY perfect apples!  And of course, the men who have enough courage to climb to the top!

Live, Laugh, Love…and share it with someone else!  ~~Dee

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Women are so like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The men don’t want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they’re amazing.
Bright and beautiful for all to behold.
They just have to wait for the right
man to come along, the one
who’s brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

And I would have put this under the Humor is Sexy column, but really….sexual attraction is always serious in my book.  I learned about objectum sexuals today.  Read on…you may be sexually attracted to your alarm clock.  After all, it does wake you up every morning and it is the last thing you stroke at night!  Just sayin’  ~~Dee

Woman Marries the Object of Her Desire … the Eiffel Tower?

At one time or another everybody gets fed up and swears off relationships with other people forever. But do they go and marry an inanimate object?

They do if they’re like former U.S. Army helicopter pilot Erika La Tour Eiffel.

Did you catch that last name? Erika married the Eiffel Tower two years ago in a small ceremony with some friends in Paris.

Material Obsessions

La Tour Eiffel is one of a very small group of people who have intimate relationships with … objects. These people, called, “objectum sexuals” are never attracted to human beings in the first place.  Full Story…

I have something on my nicely curvaceous chest that I really want to off.  Nope.  It’s not the light lemon crop top with spaghetti straps that show my nipples off so nicely.   

Yes, I have missed weaving my erotic mind around the prose of SexyWhispers—can you tell?

It’s the Girl Scouts.  See, in theory, I totally approve of and support the Girl Scouts.  Make girls more secure and build their self-esteem.  Sounds good.  Dress them in plain brown wrappers so they all look the same and recite the same drivel that borders on brainwashing, well…when you put it that way, it does kind of bother my female mentality.  But, I digress. 

I try to support anything that teaches young girls not to be twits that grow up to be stupid women undervalued by themselves and overvalued by society as breeder cows.  Pissed anyone off yet?  Good…I hope so.

You see, a literature professor of mine once told me to pay close attention when someone tries to piss you off because:

• They have found your emotional trigger.
• They are trying to reach past your wall protection into a place where your logic lives.
• When the emotions are removed, you might be surprised that you actually agree with them.

The professor was an idiot.  BUT, his theory was right.  It taught me to listen to people all the way through and find the message without emotional tangles.

Now, I want to be completely clear.  I support the Girl Scouts.  You know that idiot that buys 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies every time even if she has to go to the bank and come back?  Yeah…that’s me!  When the Girl Scouts took up a cause that I completely heart, support for the troops, my soul melted like butter on grits (a southern visual—I realize!).  However, I have a hard and fast rule.  While I always buy a box of cookies from every little Girl Scout standing there, I absolutely will not buy cookies from the mothers.

Ok…will give you a moment to think that through.

Translation:  I came out of the store the other day and there was a table full of GS cookies there.  Big signs about the cause of supporting the troops overseas.  I am mobbed by three little girls wanting me to buy cookies as moms stood back to watch.  I pretended to let them talk me into it even though I had money in hand.  I let each one take a turn at selling me a box of cookies (BTW…you are all getting cookies in your email tomorrow!!) 

Day 2:  Same store.  New girls and moms.  Same table and signs.  The girls are running around playing tag and the moms are selling cookies.  They are wearing badges that the other girls did not have proclaiming top sales positions in our county.  I stopped briefly and passed by.  I wont buy Girl Scout cookies from moms that are in it for the contest.

• What message does it send to a young girl when she is allowed to run around and let mom do the work for her?
• Isn’t this the equivalent to doing kids homework for them?
• Worse…because someone is who is playing fair is actually losing out on the prize…isn’t this actually cheating?  In the Girl Scouts?

Something is SO wrong with this.  And either way, I won’t play.  The cookies inside of the store are cheaper and they don’t come with a side of bad parenting laced with a future of misdirection.  ~~Dee

Ok…not PC.  I know.  But, sometimes a woman has to laugh when she can!  And some of these 20 jokes about men, no matter how politically incorrent and incredibly generalizing, do apply unfortunately to male gender.  Enjoy and remember…

Live, laugh, love….and share it with someone else!  ~~Dee

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• Never let your man’s mind wonder – it’s too little to be out on its own.
• If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
• Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
• What did God say after creating Adam? I must be able to do better than that!
• What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow!
• Real Men… claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
  Most Men… claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.
• Men are like … Placemats.  They only show up when there’s food on the table.
• Men are like… Government bonds.  They take so long to mature.
• Men are like… Lava lamps.  Fun to look at it but not all that bright.
• Men are like… Bank accounts.  Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
• Men are like… Handguns.  Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
• Men are like… ..Parking spots.  The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
• COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.:
  Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
  Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
• MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.:
  Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
  Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
• The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!”.
  Her mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
• Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
  Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
• Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
  Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
• OFFSPRING
  Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
• Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.
• Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway!

Ok…I know.  Been gone for a few days.  Sexy new car.  Sexy young man.  Mind blowing combination!  So, for a while, the posts might be short because my mind is on driving other things right now!  

One thing does come to mind.  Now, I am serious annoyed by shows like Real Housewives of Orange County or Real Housewives of Alanta or Real Housewives of New York or Real…umm…Housewives…of….humm…yeah.  Seriously.  Get over it already.

But, I am annoyed for several reasons.  This is the type of show that depicts women as spiteful and mean.  It shows women at their gossipy, bitchy best.  Honestly, where do they get these women and what is the qualification for participation?

• It cant be that you are real!  These women are not real at all.  I dont know any women like these on the planet.
• It cant be that they are housewives.  Some of them are single and a few have never been married.  HELLO!  HOUSEWIFE!  Pffft!
• And they are all privledged beyond belief and bitching about it every single step of the way.

The whole thing just makes me ill.  If they want to see Real Housewives, then I can direct them down the hall to laundry that needs to be washed and dinner that has to be made.  It dont get more real than that!  Only thing that Real Housewives is real silly.  Just saying….  ~~Dee