“You know what your strength is in our group?” a close friend asked me with good intentions in her heart. You could see how much the compliment meant to her.
“What’s that?” I was a little amused by the topic. Ah yes…the evaluation of me. I have noticed a trend of everyone feeling like they have to assemble me to make me whole.
“Well…I have come to realize that you are here to make the new people feel welcome and kick them out of the nest at the right time. You accept people and get rid of them with equal ease.”
At this statement, I was numb. It was a big WTF moment in my life. As I shuffled back through my recent relationships, I willingly reviewed the function of maintaining my circle of friends.
I realized that my willingness to hold or release a relationship is not about me. The female “friends” in my life are not there to be long term relationships because my approach to life is not based the sticky-icky feelings that most women engage.
For example, in a recent seminar, part of the leave taking was to get in a circle of 15 women, hold hands, and close the energy. I am all good with that because I honestly feel that energy in groups can reinforce many parts of your life. Now, as one women suggested that everyone turn to the person next to them and give them a kiss on the cheek until it went all the way around the circle (which was reversed to go back around the circle when the kiss wave, if you will, reached the place of origin), I backed out of the circle.
I thought…wait a second, you want me to accept a kiss that has been passed around a circle. Nope…nada…not happening in my lifetime.
In reality, I have a strong aversion to fake affections. Just for everyone’s record keeping, these are the things that qualify for me as fake affection that women seem to be touting:
- Hugging at every standing still, breathing moment
- Kissing for every reason
- Touching my hand, middle of my back, or shoulders in a rubbing motion
- Saying “I love you” to every other woman that passes
These are fake for me because, in my structure of life, these things are reserved for the people in my life circle. When people receive these actions from me, they KNOW that I care for them and love them. I started to wonder if women, in compensating for the lack of real emotional connection, were compensating with other women.
But, in truth, if all someone could offer me was fake emotions that seemed to lie with beg you to return the fakery, then please skip it. Here’s an idea…lets build REAL relationships with honest emotions and strong communications that meet our needs where no one has to fake connection! ~~Dee